I don't want to end up giving birth to the damn Antichrist, i mean how the hell will i explain that when i reach the pearly white gates of heaven "Saint Peter! My main man! Homie!!! ok before you make your verdict I know this looks bad, so i gave birth to Lucifer? You shouldn't judge, I'm still the same person as before? Right?" :/
I don't want my baby one night to get feverish and start having convulsions.Then the next day get possessed become evil and turn into a mini serial killer, killing any adult that gets in his/her way. I do not want to be mutilated by my own child i mean excuse me for loving all my limbs in place.
I do not want to give birth to silver haired red eyed killer alien children posing as humans. Do i really need to explain this one? :/
I don't want to my child to just happen to be born on the night of a total eclipse. Due to the moon and sun blocking Saturn the planet that controls emotions my child ends up being a serial killer and bloody good one at that because who suspects a child for being a serial killer. While other parents show off pictures of their children at soccer matches or their child's' first dance i will have an album full of my child's mug shots??
"Oh and here is my baby johnny at the Sarpy County Sheriffs Office *sniff sniff* they grow up so fast!"
I do not want to risk the chance of one day a nuclear plant leak leaking into the same school bus my baby is in and then turns them and other children into murderous zombies with black fingernails, do you know how hard it is removing black from finger nails??!!
I do not want to be on a nice christmas vacation with my child and then for some reason they have decided to turn on me!! aint no way i might spend 12 hours in labour giving birth to you and now your ungratefull lil ass wants too kill me? oh no booboo not today! not today!
I also do not want to end up adopting a sinister murderous child. I mean come on I find it in my heart to adopt you from a crappy orphanage and i bring you into my home, i feed and bath you and now you want to kill my biological children and run off with my husband! where is the love people??
And lastly i do not want my child to get possessed by some demons.Now i have too deal with your potty mouth, you scratching my newly polished hardwood floors with demonic symbols, having to change the bed sheets every damn 30 minutes because apparently demons do not have bowel or bladder control and not only that but i have to pay for a priest to come and do an exorcism on you? Oh no that is just way too much stress for me to handle.So as you can see with all the movies that come out about demon babies do you really blame me for being hesitant on having children?.....What are your thoughts and what is your favorite movie with demonic children?
'The Omen' is the scariest one that comes to mind. Go ahead and breed, Pixie... you can run but you can't hide!
ReplyDeleteHaha, I wouldn't suggest reading Rosemary's Baby. :) Although, it's a really excellent book! I've never seen the movie version, although it looks good. Have you ever seen The Witches of Eastwick? I was watching that the other night and there's a similar predicament for some ladies in that movie. It makes a person wonder what they'd do with such a baby!
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite sub genres is killer kid movies especially 70 80s ones. Bloody Birthday which you mention above is awesome. The Pit and the Devil Times Five. The Omen and Exorcist are probably my favorite though. Also a diff take on "kid" but The Brood is just.. you have to see that if you haven't before.
ReplyDeleteThis post is so excellent!!! *laughs!*
ReplyDeleteI've personally had a fear of giving birth to the next Hitler which is a lot like the way of The Omen trilogy: the whole power of persuasion over a mass legion of people by being in a powerful position.
The person who had the worst break?
Well, isn't it kind of a toss up between Mrs. Voorhees and Amanda Krueger?
No, Amanda had it much worse!
I used to not want to have kids, I would call them parasites since they would feeding off my body and draining. Then when I would have the kid, what if I get fat?? I'd be forever staring at my high school and college pictures *siiiiigghhhh* But now, I don't feel that way. I realize that you were worrying about your child being an antichrist, while I was worrying about getting fat. o_-!
ReplyDeleteOrphan and The Pit are TWO awesome movies with devilish...demon kids--kinda anyway! Two great horrors one made in 2009 & the other in 70s, I believe.
If you think these movies scenarios are frightening, just try actually having kids. I'd prefer to be raising the Antichrist. At least you'd know it wasn't your fault they turned out bad.
ReplyDelete@Little Gothic Horrors hahaha u still want me to breed even after watching the omen?? haha im gonna run alright..im gonna run away REALL FAAASSSTTT aint no Demon babies coming out this body hahaha
ReplyDelete@Justine I have actually heard how freaky Rosemarys baby is but i just never got around to watching it dunno if i shud..lol I actually do vaguely remeber watching the witches of eastwick but i think i will def watch it again jst to refresh my memory but i do remember me liking it jst cant remeber the plot
@Slowdeath77 haha i loved Bloody birthday even with it leaving me freaked out when the credits rolled up..I actually havent watched the last three movies u mentioned in ur comment Pit, Devil times three and The Brood im def going to try to watch them as soon as possible, starting with The Brood since you kinda left me hanging on the plot and now i REALLY want to see it hahaha
@ Ashlee hahahaha THANK YOU!!! loved your comment i literally burst out laughing reading it..oh yes i dnt think anyone would enjoy being the one who gave birth to hitler, cause thats just waaaay beyond bad parenting skills hahaha..
ReplyDeleteI TOTALLY agree on that i think Mrs Krueger had it worst i mean she got locked in a tower filled with insane inmates and got brutally raped by ALL of them and got pregnant and went still through with giving birth to the child...like Wow i dnt think it gets much worse than that hahah
@ Real Queen of Horror Bahahaha i so agree on the getting fat part and oh yea well im actually also really petrified of the process giving birth, i mean sometimes im just like dang God really?? why did you have to make it sooo painfull aaaahhhh :(...I havent watched The Pit yet but i will def watch that soon!!! :)
@Marvin the Macabre hahahaha good point there! but then again raising the anti-christ could be a bad thing too becas yu woudl never know when he might turn on you when he gets bored plus if your child does soemthing wrong you know you could threaten to punish them and they would listen and stop but how do you threaten the anti-christ??!! haha