Tuesday, December 27, 2011

My Letter of New Years Resolutions!

Dear Whoever is in charge of making New Years resolutions happen, (I'm guessing God)

So I know this looks really bad right now but I promise you I have only had 1 drink so far..well okaaaaay maybe one REALLY big gulp of what most would call alcohol but I prefer the term *my medicine* or *that good stuff*. I know it seems as if I am passed out on the concrete floor right outside my campus building but what you do not get is that in actuality I'm holding onto the floor so as not to fall off the Earth.

In anycase while lying here I started asking myself many life changing questions like:

Where am I?
Where is my wallet?
Why do I have a hobo lying next to me?
Why can't I get that Black Eyed Peas Boom Boom Pow song out of my head?
and lastly
What are my new years resolutions for 2012?

And thus after finding a pen and piece of paper in the tuxedo jacket that I am wearing and think I  stole, I begin to reflect on my life and in this time of reflection I jotted down some of my New Years resolutions.

My New Years Resolutions of 2012:
  • I will try to be a better serial killer
  • No more kidnapping people putting them in the trunk of my car and forgetting to close it
  • I will sign up to the gym so I can get fit and actually be able to catch up to the people I try to  chase and kill
  • Get a new asthma pump..So what? I'm a serial killer with asthma at least i still look good dammit not like that burnt up piece of bread Freddy Kruger..Damn I HATE him!!!
  • Get a kickass cool serial killer name like Freddy Kruger
  • Remember to cut off the alarm system first before secretly breaking into the house of a target
  • Try to remember to put my mask on next time I'm on a killing spree
  • I promise my lawyer to not show up drunk to another court hearing again
  • I will buy a broken down abandoned raggedy house in the woods cause all the big horror movie serial killers roll like that.
  • I will make a shank, because I can't afford to buy an actual weapon
  • Or better steal Freddy Kruger's blade gloves and blame it on Jason
  • No more thinking my victims are trained dogs and expecting them to stay in the house when i leave them there without tying them down.
  • Be more enthusiastic when the jury says "We the jury find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all charges"

  • When I am hiding in the closet of my next victim try not to fall asleep again, what an awkward exit after being woken up by your victim and a police officer.
  • Come up with a really cool "SURPRISE!!" dance for when my victim catches me in their back yard.
"Helllooooo there, are you ready to die!"
  • And last but not least be more Gangsta in 2012

So there you go those are my resolutions and I hope to follow through with them diligently.What New years resolutions do you have for 2012? and in case I don't do another blog post before New Years I want to wish you guys an awesome and prosperous New Year!!

Uhmmm okay I'm going to end this off now because as we speak my Dean and campus security are hovered over me wondering why I'm still lying on the ground....


Love, Peace and Bloody-Coated hugs


  1. Any post that starts with Spongebob is gonna be a good one! Looks like you've got your 2012 crime sprees all sorted, Pixie. Good luck with sticking to these fine resolutions!

    And that is one creepy clown!!!

    Happy New Year!!!

  2. Hahaha yes i do lets just hope i don't get caught this time around! :D thanks a lot and hope you have a great fulfilling New Year!!!

  3. Yeah, you left your trunk open...that's how I got out. Of course, I got right back in after I picked up a few tacos to keep up my strength through all the fun torture.

    Happy New Year! :D

  4. Haha! If you're drunkenly waking up on a concrete floor next to a hobo, you probably need a few more resolutions. ;) It's funny, because at first I didn't realize these were serial killer resolutions. I just saw a giant list, and thought you were the most motivated person on earth! I'm only going to pick one resolution, because then I might have some actual hope of accomplishing it. There are still a few more days to decide...

    Happy 2012 to you too! :)

  5. That's what i call some seriously good resolutions! Personally i dropped the resolutions. I made plans in 2009 and 2010. Look where that got me...yes, the padded room. So now, i just DO. I break in to houses, mame and kill and just see what happens next! Worked for me so far! :) Continue the excellent blogging and creepy stuff! Happy new year!

  6. @Dod hahahahah i was wondering where the taco crumbs came from!!;)

  7. @Justine HAHAHA yeah but then again i didn't want to end up with a novel of resolutions :P well i would love to know what your resolutions is once you decide, so far i have heard the most unique and funniest ones from my friends. One of my friends resolutions is to actually study for at least one exam next year, dunno what he is going to do for the rest guess only time will tell hahaha

  8. @Johnny bahahahaha you made me burst out laughing so hard!!! :D next time your on one of your killing spree's don't forget to ring me up okay i make a great wing-man, wait scratch that i mean wing-woman! hahahahah thanks so much for the compliment and hope you have a banging New Year!! :D

  9. Making a shark is a great idea. I waste $$ a month on a home security system that doesn't even swim or eat pesky small dogs ...