Saturday, July 9, 2011

Seriously re-thinking about having children when I'm older!

Why you may ask? because...

 I don't want to end up giving birth to the damn Antichrist, i mean how the hell will i explain that when i reach the pearly white gates of heaven "Saint Peter! My main man! Homie!!! ok before you make your verdict I know this looks bad, so i gave birth to Lucifer? You shouldn't judge, I'm still the same person as before? Right?" :/

 I don't want my baby one night to get feverish and start having convulsions.Then the next day get possessed become evil and turn into a mini serial killer, killing any adult that gets in his/her way. I do not want to be mutilated by my own child i mean excuse me for loving all my limbs in place.

 I do not want to give birth to silver haired red eyed killer alien children posing as humans. Do i really need to explain this one? :/
I don't want to my child to just happen to be born on the night of a total eclipse. Due to the moon and sun blocking Saturn the planet that controls emotions my child ends up being a serial killer and bloody good one at that because who suspects a child for being a serial killer. While other parents show off pictures of their children at soccer matches or their child's' first dance i will have an album full of my child's mug shots??
 "Oh and here is my baby johnny at the Sarpy County Sheriffs Office *sniff sniff* they grow up so fast!"

 I do not want to risk the chance of one day a nuclear plant leak leaking into the same school bus my baby is in and then turns them and other children into murderous zombies with black fingernails, do you know how hard it is removing black from finger nails??!!

I do not want to be on a nice christmas vacation with my child and then for some reason they have decided to turn on me!! aint no way i might spend 12 hours in labour giving birth to you and now your ungratefull lil ass wants too kill me? oh no booboo not today! not today!

I also do not want to end up adopting a sinister murderous child. I mean come on I find it in my heart to adopt you from a crappy orphanage and i bring you into my home, i feed and bath you and now you want to kill my biological children and run off with my husband! where is the love people??

 And lastly i do not want my child to get possessed by some demons.Now i have too deal with your potty  mouth, you scratching my newly polished hardwood floors with demonic symbols, having to change the bed sheets every damn 30 minutes because apparently demons do not have bowel or bladder control and not only that but i have to pay for a priest to come and do an exorcism on you? Oh no that is just way too much stress for me to handle.

So as you can see with all the movies that come out about demon babies do you really blame me for being hesitant on having children?.....What are your thoughts and what is your favorite movie with demonic children?