Dear Whoever is in charge of making New Years resolutions happen, (I'm guessing God)
So I know this looks really bad right now but I promise you I have only had 1 drink so far..well okaaaaay maybe one REALLY big gulp of what most would call alcohol but I prefer the term *my medicine* or *that good stuff*. I know it seems as if I am passed out on the concrete floor right outside my campus building but what you do not get is that in actuality I'm holding onto the floor so as not to fall off the Earth.
In anycase while lying here I started asking myself many life changing questions like:
Where am I?
Where is my wallet?
Why do I have a hobo lying next to me?
Why can't I get that Black Eyed Peas Boom Boom Pow song out of my head?
What are my new years resolutions for 2012?
And thus after finding a pen and piece of paper in the tuxedo jacket that I am wearing and think I stole, I begin to reflect on my life and in this time of reflection I jotted down some of my New Years resolutions.
My New Years Resolutions of 2012:
- I will try to be a better serial killer
- No more kidnapping people putting them in the trunk of my car and forgetting to close it
- I will sign up to the gym so I can get fit and actually be able to catch up to the people I try to chase and kill
- Get a new asthma pump..So what? I'm a serial killer with asthma at least i still look good dammit not like that burnt up piece of bread Freddy Kruger..Damn I HATE him!!!
- Get a kickass cool serial killer name like Freddy Kruger
- Remember to cut off the alarm system first before secretly breaking into the house of a target
- Try to remember to put my mask on next time I'm on a killing spree
- I promise my lawyer to not show up drunk to another court hearing again
- I will buy a broken down abandoned raggedy house in the woods cause all the big horror movie serial killers roll like that.
- I will make a shank, because I can't afford to buy an actual weapon
- Or better steal Freddy Kruger's blade gloves and blame it on Jason
- No more thinking my victims are trained dogs and expecting them to stay in the house when i leave them there without tying them down.
- Be more enthusiastic when the jury says "We the jury find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all charges"
- When I am hiding in the closet of my next victim try not to fall asleep again, what an awkward exit after being woken up by your victim and a police officer.
- Come up with a really cool "SURPRISE!!" dance for when my victim catches me in their back yard.
"Helllooooo there, are you ready to die!"
- And last but not least be more Gangsta in 2012
So there you go those are my resolutions and I hope to follow through with them diligently.What New years resolutions do you have for 2012? and in case I don't do another blog post before New Years I want to wish you guys an awesome and prosperous New Year!!