Tuesday, December 27, 2011

My Letter of New Years Resolutions!

Dear Whoever is in charge of making New Years resolutions happen, (I'm guessing God)

So I know this looks really bad right now but I promise you I have only had 1 drink so far..well okaaaaay maybe one REALLY big gulp of what most would call alcohol but I prefer the term *my medicine* or *that good stuff*. I know it seems as if I am passed out on the concrete floor right outside my campus building but what you do not get is that in actuality I'm holding onto the floor so as not to fall off the Earth.

In anycase while lying here I started asking myself many life changing questions like:

Where am I?
Where is my wallet?
Why do I have a hobo lying next to me?
Why can't I get that Black Eyed Peas Boom Boom Pow song out of my head?
and lastly
What are my new years resolutions for 2012?

And thus after finding a pen and piece of paper in the tuxedo jacket that I am wearing and think I  stole, I begin to reflect on my life and in this time of reflection I jotted down some of my New Years resolutions.

My New Years Resolutions of 2012:
  • I will try to be a better serial killer
  • No more kidnapping people putting them in the trunk of my car and forgetting to close it
  • I will sign up to the gym so I can get fit and actually be able to catch up to the people I try to  chase and kill
  • Get a new asthma pump..So what? I'm a serial killer with asthma at least i still look good dammit not like that burnt up piece of bread Freddy Kruger..Damn I HATE him!!!
  • Get a kickass cool serial killer name like Freddy Kruger
  • Remember to cut off the alarm system first before secretly breaking into the house of a target
  • Try to remember to put my mask on next time I'm on a killing spree
  • I promise my lawyer to not show up drunk to another court hearing again
  • I will buy a broken down abandoned raggedy house in the woods cause all the big horror movie serial killers roll like that.
  • I will make a shank, because I can't afford to buy an actual weapon
  • Or better steal Freddy Kruger's blade gloves and blame it on Jason
  • No more thinking my victims are trained dogs and expecting them to stay in the house when i leave them there without tying them down.
  • Be more enthusiastic when the jury says "We the jury find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all charges"

  • When I am hiding in the closet of my next victim try not to fall asleep again, what an awkward exit after being woken up by your victim and a police officer.
  • Come up with a really cool "SURPRISE!!" dance for when my victim catches me in their back yard.
"Helllooooo there, are you ready to die!"
  • And last but not least be more Gangsta in 2012

So there you go those are my resolutions and I hope to follow through with them diligently.What New years resolutions do you have for 2012? and in case I don't do another blog post before New Years I want to wish you guys an awesome and prosperous New Year!!

Uhmmm okay I'm going to end this off now because as we speak my Dean and campus security are hovered over me wondering why I'm still lying on the ground....


Love, Peace and Bloody-Coated hugs

Celebrate this New Years with a little bit of blood!!

For those of you who are as twisted if not more than me who wouldn't feel right ringing in 2012 without a bit of blood and gore below are two of the best New Years related horror movies. I will not give an in depth review on them but instead will just give a brief overview on what the movies are about, then after New Years when we have all hopefully watched one if not all, I will do an in depth review on both films and would really like some feedback from you guys on how you liked or liked it (and no that wasn't a typing mistake) hahaha ;) just being silly but yeah here you go and hope you enjoy!!

New Years Evil 1986:

As the film begins New Year's Eve is on its way and television's most famous punk rock lady icon, Diane Sullivan also known as Blaze by her, is holding a late night countdown celebration of music and partying. All is going great until Diane receives a phone call from a strange sounding stranger claiming his name is Evil and who announces on live television that when the clock strikes twelve in each time zone, a 'Naughty Girl' will be punished with death, then the killer signs off with a threat claiming that Diane will be the last one to die.
The studio crew takes safety measures and heightens security, but in the local insane asylum a nurse is found viciously slaughtered at the stroke of midnight EST. The killer records his victims as he murders them and calls back the station each time playing the tapes back to prove he is not playing around. There are many suspects and theories as to who the mysterious killer/caller is; is it a crazed fan? or a religiously psychotic person, or maybe and usually more likely someone closer to Diane than anyone could have ever expected.

Terror Train 1980:

At a college pre-med student fraternity New Year's Eve party, a reluctant Alana Maxwell is convinced into participating in a prank: she lures the shy and awkward pledge Kenny Hampson into a dark room with the promise of a sex. However some other students have placed a woman's corpse in the bed. Kenny is traumatised by the prank and is sent to a psychiatric hospital for help.
Years later as the train with the very same people who caused the prank begins its journey, each student is murdered off one by one, with the killer assuming the mask and costume of each murder victim in turn.So who is this mystery killer? watch the movie and find out!

Hope you enjoy the movies and I hope you have an awesome New Years day!!

Peace, Love and Bloody-coated hugs

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Uh uh Mr.Vampire back it up, I don't roll like that!!

Now i know especially with the new Twilight Breaking Dawn movie out, there are many-a-girls who are obsessed with vampires and would give anything even their life to be with a vampire but I am NOT one of those girls!! Now don't get me wrong honey there are some FINE DELICIOUS vampires out there, i mean you have to give credit where it is due and boy OH boy is it DUE when it comes to the looks department....

Mmmmm mmmmmm woooo child im gonna print that one out and put it on my night stand!!!...ahem uhm what was i talking about again?....uhmmmmm...OH RIGHT!...so anyways despite how gorgeous vampires are I could never see myself marry let alone date a vampire and these are my reasons why:

  • Why the hell would i want to date someone who actually usually regards my kind as his prey and food supply??!! I mean excuse me for liking my haemoglobin right where it is and not running down my spouses oesophagus!!

So now not only do I have to worry about whether he loves me or not, or whether he is cheating on me now I gotta add the stress of whether one day he gonna bite a gal and "lose control" and suck her dry to a raisin?

  • And WHY IN THE HELL do girls think that being bit by a vampire is a sensual and exotic experience??!!Listen, I was bit by a chihuahua once and there was NOTHING sexy, sensual or exotic about it mmmkay!

I was in agonizing pain for weeks, so if a chihuahua with minute teeth could do so much physical and emotional damage on a gal like me imagine HUGE ASS vampire canines!!

  • My dear vampire lovers you obviously have not done your research quite well, because if you did then you would know that vampires carry rabies!! 

OH YES close that mouth! That hot tall smoking vampire making oogle eyes at you from across the room is rabies infested!Don't believe me? well leme school you honey-bunch, vampires are actually bats and bats are common rabies carriers in North America and most cases of rabies transmissions in the U.S over the past 50 years are from bats, so just remember while you being sensually bit on the neck a few weeks later you might just end up looking this:

and that aint sexy!

  • Also all these girls who have slept with vampires you should be ashamed of yourselves cas no matter which way you spin it you still slept with a BAT!!.....a very sexy bat BUT a BAT nonetheless but naaaaahhhh go ahead!keep on sleeping with bat men and we will see how happy you will be when you give birth too half-bat babies instead of sexy vampire looking ones!!

  • Marriage is a hard thing in itself just between mortals, maybe its just me because I have commitment issues but i just can't see myself not getting frustrated waking up to the same damn person everyday but as harsh as this will sound at least with a mortal you know that someday you will both die BUT damn  vampires are immortal you gotta wake up to the same man for ETERNITY!!! i mean eternity is a long ass time what will you talk about?! I would end up staking myself if not him if i was stuck in such a situation!
  • As much as I love going out at night and partying with friends i just don't think I can do eternal darkness, I love my sunshine way too much and being with a vampire would require me giving up sunshine and thats just a little too much, plus since they never go in the sun that would mean I would be dating the most palest man known in history and don't know about you but I don't want to be dating a Casper the ghost lookalike.

  • I'm claustrophobic so I definitely can not do coffins.
  • Sleeping with a vampire would make me a necrophiliac and that's just plain gross.
  • Vampires are immortal beings and thus never age. To most this is a good thing because it means that he will be hot for eternity but did you ever stop to think about you and how you are very mortal and thus will age. So many years down the line he will still be the same sexy, super fast and super strong vampire while you will be a half blind old wrinkly hag sitting in the living room attached to a dialysis machine with uncontrollable bowels. I will just kill myself if i had to wake up to sculpted handsome man while my body just decayed before his and my very eyes, if I'm gonna decay heck your ass better decay too cas we in this together!

So my dears next time a sexy vampire comes up to you before you fall head over heels in love take these pointers into consideration and if your smart enough you will end up taking out your crucifix and point it right at him and scream "Uh Uh Mr. Vampire back it up, Pixie taught me not to roll like that!"

Love, Peace and Bloody-coated hugs

*I'mmmmm baaaccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!*